The thought proccesses of an amateur Batsman (or, How not to bat)
Right, what's this? I'm in, OK. Pads, check, gloves, check, bat, check. Pick up and put on helmet. Right, off we go, to the crease. What's this? My partner might not be up for taking quick singles, OK, I'll let him call when he wants to run. OK, here we are at the crease, I'll take my guard at middle please, Umpire. Thank you. Mark middle stump... Oh, there's a line there, I'll use that. Right, get into the stance. OK, play a nice defensive innings, just bat out the game for 8 overs, you'll be fine. [this next bit is accelerated].
Ok, there's the bowler, here he comes. He's running up, he bowls... right, it's wide of my off-stump, [Before I go on, here's what should happen next: Right, it's the first ball, I don't want to take the risk of being out, it's not going to hit my stumps, I'l leave it alone].
I'll hit it. Might as well try and get some runs. Front foot forward and across, bring the bat down and through... right, connected. Oh dear, it's in the air. And heading for that fielder, he might catch it. Oh, that's OK, I've seen him field, he's got no co-ordination, he'll never do it...
F**K
Right, helmet off, back to the pavillion.
Ok, there's the bowler, here he comes. He's running up, he bowls... right, it's wide of my off-stump, [Before I go on, here's what should happen next: Right, it's the first ball, I don't want to take the risk of being out, it's not going to hit my stumps, I'l leave it alone].
I'll hit it. Might as well try and get some runs. Front foot forward and across, bring the bat down and through... right, connected. Oh dear, it's in the air. And heading for that fielder, he might catch it. Oh, that's OK, I've seen him field, he's got no co-ordination, he'll never do it...
F**K
Right, helmet off, back to the pavillion.
posted by CJM | 8:44 PM
6 Comments:
Right, I'm banning anonymous comments. Sorry, but it will be no great loss.
Anon: What?
Sirreene: I'll try and find a reasonable explanation of the game.
Here's what really happened: The bowler combs his fingers through his chestnut locks and turns for his run up. You pat the ground gently with your bat 3 or 5 times as he runs in. His final stride is a sideways windmill of dazzling speed and he lets loose a fizzing delivery at better than 95mph. You watch the red missile as it kisses the shaved grass 8 yards ahead of you and rises on the bounce to chest high. Your hefty willow blade has already begun its swing and now flies forward to meet the ball with a connection like a rifle crack. The red canonball screams high into the blue sky upwards and ever upwards. It reaches its zenith and sails over boundary rope, grandstand and perimeter fence. After several seconds there is a sickening crunch of shattered safety glass and a Land Rover Discovery needs a new windscreen.
Sirreene ~ that's a windshield! ('Bowling for Soup' played a tiny 300 all standing venue near me about 2 years ago. That chubby guitarist cracks me up!)
Yeah, that's it...
how far away is the bowler when he releases?
22 yards
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